I stop. I turn around and look the path I have walked, the life I have lived. This passage had been for six years today. Do I want to rest awhile? Is it time for the Sabbath? I am not sure! What would be my trail in the future? I do not know yet! But what follows are thoughts, some of my tools, with which I carved my last six years! This rosary of thoughts that I call scattered petals are prayers I uttered, sometimes clearly, and at other times only muttered in the cave of my heart even as I drifted like a failed rain cloud. These petals I now offer in honor of my father Isaac and my brother John.
1
For what you put in many plateful
You take out only one or two handful
That resulting from an unchangeable rule!
16.08.2002
2
Did I, desert those truly peaceful rock pigeons
For watching gulls, pretentious prairie doves!
16.08.2002
3
You take from this world nothing
But what you are
This you also take
To your eternity
19.09.2002
4
Let me be both
Gentle as breeze and hard as rock
With my daughter
Lest she ends up
As a slave of someone
19.09.2002
5
I saw my father in the mirror
Eyes gone deep inside
And face wrinkled
20.09.2002
6
I am glad God isn’t a mother
Running towards me
To lift me and feel me
Every time I’m hurt
23.09.2002
7
To crave for the Crucified Christ
Goes together with being
Critical of the Civilized Christianity
14.10.2002
8
Respect is the greatest gift
That I may give to
Or receive from someone
14.12.2002
9
My thoughts are the tools
That makes me a person
Or a scum of no worth
14.12.2002
10
Not by giving in
But by giving up
I grow
14.12.2002
11
I went not only to bury Evelyn’s frame
But also to prevent
Her personality being buried together
24.01.2003
12
Three that are most beautiful
And only three you take to eternity
Humility, simplicity, and beauty
25.01.2003
13
Like the little dragonfly let me move swiftly
Like her let me also sit on deep waters
Still and with inner serenity
30.01.2003
14
Your tongue in your flowers
And your speech in my thoughts
Is, your speaking to me
Help me listen
30.01.2003
15
Underneath my minute consciousness
I hear the rolling and roaring of your ocean
Keep me ever in this awareness
30.01.2003
16
Many are your miracles
That you bring into being
Create one more in my eye
That I may see the many
30.01.2003
17
As aura of aspen in autumn
Let my being always broaden
Goodness and peace
30.01.2003
18
When mind is trapped in dreams of littleness
The soul deep within invites
To glimpse the vastness within
To release self from self-imposed prison
30.01.2003
19
Only those who give love and unselfishness
Receive love and unselfishness
By giving you receive
But to receive you cannot give
30.01.2003
20
Exhibitionism in spirituality
Is, indeed, a contradiction
But not a living witness to faith
30.01.2003
21
I went on speaking
The politically incorrect language and idiom
In that the wise deciphered poetry
Calling me a poet and a prophet
07.02.2003
22
This expansive enormous creation
Its purpose I perceive not
Its mystery I shall solve not
Its owner I will encounter not
Its beauty I will sing with exultation
Its violence I protest with great vehemence
03.03.2003
23
Parading piety is for Pharisees
Not crucified their ego
Perching on, and preaching from every pulpit
03.03.2003
24
Power of powerlessness is not for Pharisees
Not crucified their ego
But practicing pomp and prominence
Henry Victor 03.03.2003
25
Let me never be inactive
But let my active activity
Be marked with my soul’s inactivity
03.03.2003
26
Shrimp waved antennae
Saying thumps up for swift shark
Unperturbed by praise
19.04.2003
27
Shrimp protested
Swift shark disturbing that calm
The big fish ignored
19.04.2003
28
Defeating is my natural inclination
Vehemently avoiding victory of being defeated
19.04.2003
29
Two that I desire most: One that I walk to my grave
Two, I make this stride without my self
17.05.2003
30
Accomplishment comes from
Taking that single most risk
Than waiting to grab that luck when crossing my path
17.05.2003
31
Time I have for that risky task
Wisdom I need to perform the work
Lest I see not friends at fireside
17.05.2003
32
I detect and discern
My authentic self in that my no self
Like that seed whose true being is its death
17.05.2003
33
I have learnt through some struggle
To find God’s stimulating presence
In the sure and certain divine absence
17.05.2003
34
Those that spend excess time at the beach
Rolling on sand and making sandcastles
Will never appreciate diving in deep sea
17.05.2003
35
When beetles defend themselves
It is terrorism
When elephants walk to defeat
It is battle for freedom!
21.06.2003
36
Affairs of the world deeply troubles me
So are my own
21.06.2003
37
I proposed to work an extra ten years
After my retirement
Only to be disposed ten years early
21.06.2003
38
Desire to dominate
Is not same as
Serving the Servant Lord
22.06.2003
39
Joke the joke! But not make life a joke
Lest the others choke your hour, day, and week
Until your years choke, and you die
19.07.2003
40
I’m listening to the chattering and chirping
Of sparrows whose genus I neither know
Nor my own intentions
22.07.2003
41
Three I received from my father
And three I pass on to my daughter:
With secrets practice restrain
In sweating curtail energy
And in posting never trust another
02.08.2003
42
Am I surprised that I’m scared of my own honesty
That brings more pain and suffering, and at last
To my own death on the cross, my own construction
02.08.2003
43
Events are designs that the unseen artist sketches
That I may ponder in my heart the secret intentions of the artist
But never am I permitted to publicly interpret
Or proclaim the meaning of artistic events
02.08.2003
44
It is indeed an unjust race
Even if the most just judge judges
If race is between an elephant and a tortoise
06.08.2003
45
In my neighborhood
The smaller ones on smaller bikes
Never catch up with bigger ones on bigger bikes
06.08.2003
46
My home is the university
I teach, research, and publish
With no book releases, promotions, or increments
16.08.2003
47
Greatest achievers are those who have learnt the art
Of discarding, omitting, ignoring, and leaving behind more
With much joy and no regrets
16.08.2003
48
Cougar trait I trail
Strong, resilient individual
That I want to be
19.08.2003
49
What has happened is the best
That can happen; better, therefore, to accept
Rather than rage in revolt
Henry Victor 06.09.2003
50
When the flower was not visible
It was not that it was not there
But the bud was hibernating
06.09.2003
51
Lord of the Worlds may delay but will never deny
You the blessing; for those who perceive
Delay is nothing but a blessing
06.09.2003
52
I waited not with patience
But faded not the supreme patience!
06.09.2003
53
Seed met with patience and the leaf evolved
Leaf exposed to patience and the flower arrived
Flower copulated with patience birthing a fruit
Fruit made life to prolong piping for patience
09.09.2003
54
Beauty that stimulates subterranean joy within my being
I sought it in women, and Satan, my lust, got released
Beauty that stimulates bliss deep within my soul
I sought it in shoe-flowers, and Song, my muse, was let loose
09.09.2003
55
A road that was not closed I cherished much
That I may reach home like mother bird to feed nestlings
But now a road that is never open is that I desire
That I may never leave home
09.09.2003
56
Put on the garment of patient placidness
And the coat of love that let goes
For your strong and swifter movement
20.09.2003
57
My neighbour’s poplar and poplar’s neighbour
Both teach a lesson I never let my heart learn:
‘To grow, I must let go’
17.10.2003
58
In middle of autumn the mountain ash
Has let go all her lush, much of her load
Only to shine with bright red light!
17.10.2003
59
Trash pits are gold mines I dig for wisdom
Gold that never corrodes nor thieves steal
Revealing self and core of my community
11.11.2003
60
Much printed materiel is re-cycled
Without being read in the first place
11.11.2003
61
Much of spoken word is heard
Not for its intrinsic worth
But for its entertainment value
11.11.2003
62
Bulls listen
Only to a bull with a bell
And I have seen this again and again!
11.11.2003
63
Turkey, chicken, cow, sheep, pig, and many
Dwell deep within my bosom
Determining values for my now and eternity
11.11.2003
64
I am much bigger than I see
And I am much smaller than I conceive
11.03.2004
65
As a priest, I realize
I need not know much theology
Nor learn too much liturgy
But, politics I must sing!
11.03.2004
66
What my father achieved in harder way
I like to achieve in the easier way!
11.03.2004
67
Spirituality, my Christian friend thinks, is:
Sharing the pain of a dead
Ignoring the pain of the living!
11.03.2004
68
Life is stronger than death
When death is embraced with open arms
16.03.2004
69
Those who embrace death
With open arms, never die
16.03.2004
70
As I embrace, with open arms
My daughter and wife
I embrace insecurity and death in life
19.03.2004
71
Mutter and mutter, and call it a sermon?
Nothing but a clutter of empty words
To litter the world of serene silence!
20.03.2004
72
I, for sure, saw your grace
And sat down to draw that face
But my lines, a flaw in your space!
29.03.2004
73
Laugh, and laugh louder
But let not that laugh create disorder
To the already chaotic order!
15.09.2004
74
Woe unto me if those around me feel
What they sense, say, and act must have my approval
Better that a millstone is tied around my neck
And I am dropped in waters oceanic!
04.12.2005
75
Doing what you can do
And doing with joy what you do
Leads to a life of sanity, that life eternal
27.03.2006
76
Serving, and serving with joy
Serving with a wanting to serve
Transforms my self from a slave to a Master!
28.03.2006
77
Faith is that venture to create a meaning
In an otherwise world of meaninglessness
In that creating I create also a Creator to anchor my faith!
28.03.2006
78
Hope rooted not in a lofty dream
But in well informed wakefulness
That blooms to become real
17.04.2007
79
Drunkenness, I have seen
Many times, walking into wilderness
In roads less traveled
06.05.2007
80
Human nature, I have seen in plenty
In the communities of Canadian geese, loud
With quarrels and battles for space
06.05.2007
81
Human potentials, I have seen in abundance
Among the flocks of Canadian geese in flight, unison in speed
As they battle the common threat of a cold winter
06.05.2007
82
Watched pot never boils!
But conscious breathing
Brings baskets full of blessings!
14.05.2007
83
Death is the destiny I see
For the mighty river rolling into the ocean
Repeating the deathless cycle
25.05.2007
84
To hit back the Siamese fighter
Aches with enormous ache
But is trapped in his destiny
25.05.2007
85
Early, at dawn, in my garden
Many colorful flowers bloomed
Only to be scorched by the noon sun
25.05.2007
86
Morning after morning, very early
Flowers in my garden embraced the dew
The night had offered them, but only to let go!
07.07.2007
87
Days have arrived when dentures smile
Knowing not this, smile not
To be transformed into a growling ass!
07.07.2007
88
Gusting wind outside
Bird sits on tips of branches
To risk I expose
21.04.2008
Henry Victor 14.08.2008
1
For what you put in many plateful
You take out only one or two handful
That resulting from an unchangeable rule!
16.08.2002
2
Did I, desert those truly peaceful rock pigeons
For watching gulls, pretentious prairie doves!
16.08.2002
3
You take from this world nothing
But what you are
This you also take
To your eternity
19.09.2002
4
Let me be both
Gentle as breeze and hard as rock
With my daughter
Lest she ends up
As a slave of someone
19.09.2002
5
I saw my father in the mirror
Eyes gone deep inside
And face wrinkled
20.09.2002
6
I am glad God isn’t a mother
Running towards me
To lift me and feel me
Every time I’m hurt
23.09.2002
7
To crave for the Crucified Christ
Goes together with being
Critical of the Civilized Christianity
14.10.2002
8
Respect is the greatest gift
That I may give to
Or receive from someone
14.12.2002
9
My thoughts are the tools
That makes me a person
Or a scum of no worth
14.12.2002
10
Not by giving in
But by giving up
I grow
14.12.2002
11
I went not only to bury Evelyn’s frame
But also to prevent
Her personality being buried together
24.01.2003
12
Three that are most beautiful
And only three you take to eternity
Humility, simplicity, and beauty
25.01.2003
13
Like the little dragonfly let me move swiftly
Like her let me also sit on deep waters
Still and with inner serenity
30.01.2003
14
Your tongue in your flowers
And your speech in my thoughts
Is, your speaking to me
Help me listen
30.01.2003
15
Underneath my minute consciousness
I hear the rolling and roaring of your ocean
Keep me ever in this awareness
30.01.2003
16
Many are your miracles
That you bring into being
Create one more in my eye
That I may see the many
30.01.2003
17
As aura of aspen in autumn
Let my being always broaden
Goodness and peace
30.01.2003
18
When mind is trapped in dreams of littleness
The soul deep within invites
To glimpse the vastness within
To release self from self-imposed prison
30.01.2003
19
Only those who give love and unselfishness
Receive love and unselfishness
By giving you receive
But to receive you cannot give
30.01.2003
20
Exhibitionism in spirituality
Is, indeed, a contradiction
But not a living witness to faith
30.01.2003
21
I went on speaking
The politically incorrect language and idiom
In that the wise deciphered poetry
Calling me a poet and a prophet
07.02.2003
22
This expansive enormous creation
Its purpose I perceive not
Its mystery I shall solve not
Its owner I will encounter not
Its beauty I will sing with exultation
Its violence I protest with great vehemence
03.03.2003
23
Parading piety is for Pharisees
Not crucified their ego
Perching on, and preaching from every pulpit
03.03.2003
24
Power of powerlessness is not for Pharisees
Not crucified their ego
But practicing pomp and prominence
Henry Victor 03.03.2003
25
Let me never be inactive
But let my active activity
Be marked with my soul’s inactivity
03.03.2003
26
Shrimp waved antennae
Saying thumps up for swift shark
Unperturbed by praise
19.04.2003
27
Shrimp protested
Swift shark disturbing that calm
The big fish ignored
19.04.2003
28
Defeating is my natural inclination
Vehemently avoiding victory of being defeated
19.04.2003
29
Two that I desire most: One that I walk to my grave
Two, I make this stride without my self
17.05.2003
30
Accomplishment comes from
Taking that single most risk
Than waiting to grab that luck when crossing my path
17.05.2003
31
Time I have for that risky task
Wisdom I need to perform the work
Lest I see not friends at fireside
17.05.2003
32
I detect and discern
My authentic self in that my no self
Like that seed whose true being is its death
17.05.2003
33
I have learnt through some struggle
To find God’s stimulating presence
In the sure and certain divine absence
17.05.2003
34
Those that spend excess time at the beach
Rolling on sand and making sandcastles
Will never appreciate diving in deep sea
17.05.2003
35
When beetles defend themselves
It is terrorism
When elephants walk to defeat
It is battle for freedom!
21.06.2003
36
Affairs of the world deeply troubles me
So are my own
21.06.2003
37
I proposed to work an extra ten years
After my retirement
Only to be disposed ten years early
21.06.2003
38
Desire to dominate
Is not same as
Serving the Servant Lord
22.06.2003
39
Joke the joke! But not make life a joke
Lest the others choke your hour, day, and week
Until your years choke, and you die
19.07.2003
40
I’m listening to the chattering and chirping
Of sparrows whose genus I neither know
Nor my own intentions
22.07.2003
41
Three I received from my father
And three I pass on to my daughter:
With secrets practice restrain
In sweating curtail energy
And in posting never trust another
02.08.2003
42
Am I surprised that I’m scared of my own honesty
That brings more pain and suffering, and at last
To my own death on the cross, my own construction
02.08.2003
43
Events are designs that the unseen artist sketches
That I may ponder in my heart the secret intentions of the artist
But never am I permitted to publicly interpret
Or proclaim the meaning of artistic events
02.08.2003
44
It is indeed an unjust race
Even if the most just judge judges
If race is between an elephant and a tortoise
06.08.2003
45
In my neighborhood
The smaller ones on smaller bikes
Never catch up with bigger ones on bigger bikes
06.08.2003
46
My home is the university
I teach, research, and publish
With no book releases, promotions, or increments
16.08.2003
47
Greatest achievers are those who have learnt the art
Of discarding, omitting, ignoring, and leaving behind more
With much joy and no regrets
16.08.2003
48
Cougar trait I trail
Strong, resilient individual
That I want to be
19.08.2003
49
What has happened is the best
That can happen; better, therefore, to accept
Rather than rage in revolt
Henry Victor 06.09.2003
50
When the flower was not visible
It was not that it was not there
But the bud was hibernating
06.09.2003
51
Lord of the Worlds may delay but will never deny
You the blessing; for those who perceive
Delay is nothing but a blessing
06.09.2003
52
I waited not with patience
But faded not the supreme patience!
06.09.2003
53
Seed met with patience and the leaf evolved
Leaf exposed to patience and the flower arrived
Flower copulated with patience birthing a fruit
Fruit made life to prolong piping for patience
09.09.2003
54
Beauty that stimulates subterranean joy within my being
I sought it in women, and Satan, my lust, got released
Beauty that stimulates bliss deep within my soul
I sought it in shoe-flowers, and Song, my muse, was let loose
09.09.2003
55
A road that was not closed I cherished much
That I may reach home like mother bird to feed nestlings
But now a road that is never open is that I desire
That I may never leave home
09.09.2003
56
Put on the garment of patient placidness
And the coat of love that let goes
For your strong and swifter movement
20.09.2003
57
My neighbour’s poplar and poplar’s neighbour
Both teach a lesson I never let my heart learn:
‘To grow, I must let go’
17.10.2003
58
In middle of autumn the mountain ash
Has let go all her lush, much of her load
Only to shine with bright red light!
17.10.2003
59
Trash pits are gold mines I dig for wisdom
Gold that never corrodes nor thieves steal
Revealing self and core of my community
11.11.2003
60
Much printed materiel is re-cycled
Without being read in the first place
11.11.2003
61
Much of spoken word is heard
Not for its intrinsic worth
But for its entertainment value
11.11.2003
62
Bulls listen
Only to a bull with a bell
And I have seen this again and again!
11.11.2003
63
Turkey, chicken, cow, sheep, pig, and many
Dwell deep within my bosom
Determining values for my now and eternity
11.11.2003
64
I am much bigger than I see
And I am much smaller than I conceive
11.03.2004
65
As a priest, I realize
I need not know much theology
Nor learn too much liturgy
But, politics I must sing!
11.03.2004
66
What my father achieved in harder way
I like to achieve in the easier way!
11.03.2004
67
Spirituality, my Christian friend thinks, is:
Sharing the pain of a dead
Ignoring the pain of the living!
11.03.2004
68
Life is stronger than death
When death is embraced with open arms
16.03.2004
69
Those who embrace death
With open arms, never die
16.03.2004
70
As I embrace, with open arms
My daughter and wife
I embrace insecurity and death in life
19.03.2004
71
Mutter and mutter, and call it a sermon?
Nothing but a clutter of empty words
To litter the world of serene silence!
20.03.2004
72
I, for sure, saw your grace
And sat down to draw that face
But my lines, a flaw in your space!
29.03.2004
73
Laugh, and laugh louder
But let not that laugh create disorder
To the already chaotic order!
15.09.2004
74
Woe unto me if those around me feel
What they sense, say, and act must have my approval
Better that a millstone is tied around my neck
And I am dropped in waters oceanic!
04.12.2005
75
Doing what you can do
And doing with joy what you do
Leads to a life of sanity, that life eternal
27.03.2006
76
Serving, and serving with joy
Serving with a wanting to serve
Transforms my self from a slave to a Master!
28.03.2006
77
Faith is that venture to create a meaning
In an otherwise world of meaninglessness
In that creating I create also a Creator to anchor my faith!
28.03.2006
78
Hope rooted not in a lofty dream
But in well informed wakefulness
That blooms to become real
17.04.2007
79
Drunkenness, I have seen
Many times, walking into wilderness
In roads less traveled
06.05.2007
80
Human nature, I have seen in plenty
In the communities of Canadian geese, loud
With quarrels and battles for space
06.05.2007
81
Human potentials, I have seen in abundance
Among the flocks of Canadian geese in flight, unison in speed
As they battle the common threat of a cold winter
06.05.2007
82
Watched pot never boils!
But conscious breathing
Brings baskets full of blessings!
14.05.2007
83
Death is the destiny I see
For the mighty river rolling into the ocean
Repeating the deathless cycle
25.05.2007
84
To hit back the Siamese fighter
Aches with enormous ache
But is trapped in his destiny
25.05.2007
85
Early, at dawn, in my garden
Many colorful flowers bloomed
Only to be scorched by the noon sun
25.05.2007
86
Morning after morning, very early
Flowers in my garden embraced the dew
The night had offered them, but only to let go!
07.07.2007
87
Days have arrived when dentures smile
Knowing not this, smile not
To be transformed into a growling ass!
07.07.2007
88
Gusting wind outside
Bird sits on tips of branches
To risk I expose
21.04.2008
Henry Victor 14.08.2008
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