I have lost two things: self and direction! But that loss comes so late in my life!
On the other hand, I have also discovered a priceless gem and acquired, adequately, I believe, a skill that is so rare in North America. Jesus, with his stance to ‘non-conformity’ is, then, that ‘pearl of great value’. And the art of ‘swimming upstream’ like the salmon of the Pacific Rockies is that proficiency that came to me after a great, great deal of practice and many failures!
Crown of gold, earlier, was my goal! In school, and later in my search for, and sustenance of, a career, I was taught to work hard towards the crowning moments and direction for success, learning the skill of careful communication with those crown princes who enable an easy climb on the social ladder and control multitude of other affairs!
But too early in my life – may be I was around twenty years – I met the crucified one! And soon my eyes became familiar with that bright light that shone from his loincloth, who had earlier proclaimed that foxes have holes and the birds have nests while he, this man from Nazareth had no place to lay his head! This in a very subtle way suggested also my path!
I have never seen such brightness elsewhere. All that immaculate liturgical colours in the wall hangings in the cathedrals, churches and the clergy vestments appeared so dull for me compared to that ‘rag’ he was wearing! As for me, I concluded the Kings and Queens of today, or of those ancient days, are not adorned with such brightness!
Hence I did not delight in the crafting of those crafts beyond that Great Friday! Friday, I learnt from another Middle Eastern Source, also was the day when the invisible purusa, the primordial consciousness gave shape and form to the chaotic prakrit, primeval substance. That is the order, I soon became convinced, the self, willing to be crucified will eventually evolve, consciously create! For me, therefore, that persistent lie of the Sunday morning is the comical tragedy, which not only alienates the humanity from the power of powerlessness but also poisons the culture of the cosmos that is created to conserve compassion!
Losing self did not come that easily! For that self in me frequently went after power seeking magic that had many different names in the modern world. And the artful magicians knew how to transform the crucifixion of my Master for the conquering of the world! So I, prompted by the self’s desire for a satisfactory survival, joined the crew. Rather I drifted into that space of comfort, celebrating at every altar belonging to Baal! Serving Baal, served my self much better, I thought at that moment; in the sense it provided a quicker bloating into a bigger self.
Losing self happened only after I discovered that selfless-self Jesus lived. It promoted not a superficial sentimentalism but a probing of difficult questions. This man Jesus, who said to me it is all right to lose that self, had fire in his eyes. Wherever he went, whichever pulpit he climbed on to, he quickly set the place on fire challenging conformity to the rot in the then religious community!
On the other hand, I have also discovered a priceless gem and acquired, adequately, I believe, a skill that is so rare in North America. Jesus, with his stance to ‘non-conformity’ is, then, that ‘pearl of great value’. And the art of ‘swimming upstream’ like the salmon of the Pacific Rockies is that proficiency that came to me after a great, great deal of practice and many failures!
Crown of gold, earlier, was my goal! In school, and later in my search for, and sustenance of, a career, I was taught to work hard towards the crowning moments and direction for success, learning the skill of careful communication with those crown princes who enable an easy climb on the social ladder and control multitude of other affairs!
But too early in my life – may be I was around twenty years – I met the crucified one! And soon my eyes became familiar with that bright light that shone from his loincloth, who had earlier proclaimed that foxes have holes and the birds have nests while he, this man from Nazareth had no place to lay his head! This in a very subtle way suggested also my path!
I have never seen such brightness elsewhere. All that immaculate liturgical colours in the wall hangings in the cathedrals, churches and the clergy vestments appeared so dull for me compared to that ‘rag’ he was wearing! As for me, I concluded the Kings and Queens of today, or of those ancient days, are not adorned with such brightness!
Hence I did not delight in the crafting of those crafts beyond that Great Friday! Friday, I learnt from another Middle Eastern Source, also was the day when the invisible purusa, the primordial consciousness gave shape and form to the chaotic prakrit, primeval substance. That is the order, I soon became convinced, the self, willing to be crucified will eventually evolve, consciously create! For me, therefore, that persistent lie of the Sunday morning is the comical tragedy, which not only alienates the humanity from the power of powerlessness but also poisons the culture of the cosmos that is created to conserve compassion!
Losing self did not come that easily! For that self in me frequently went after power seeking magic that had many different names in the modern world. And the artful magicians knew how to transform the crucifixion of my Master for the conquering of the world! So I, prompted by the self’s desire for a satisfactory survival, joined the crew. Rather I drifted into that space of comfort, celebrating at every altar belonging to Baal! Serving Baal, served my self much better, I thought at that moment; in the sense it provided a quicker bloating into a bigger self.
Losing self happened only after I discovered that selfless-self Jesus lived. It promoted not a superficial sentimentalism but a probing of difficult questions. This man Jesus, who said to me it is all right to lose that self, had fire in his eyes. Wherever he went, whichever pulpit he climbed on to, he quickly set the place on fire challenging conformity to the rot in the then religious community!
