Thursday, August 14, 2008

Scattered Petals!


I stop. I turn around and look the path I have walked, the life I have lived. This passage had been for six years today. Do I want to rest awhile? Is it time for the Sabbath? I am not sure! What would be my trail in the future? I do not know yet! But what follows are thoughts, some of my tools, with which I carved my last six years! This rosary of thoughts that I call scattered petals are prayers I uttered, sometimes clearly, and at other times only muttered in the cave of my heart even as I drifted like a failed rain cloud. These petals I now offer in honor of my father Isaac and my brother John.

1

For what you put in many plateful
You take out only one or two handful
That resulting from an unchangeable rule!

16.08.2002

2

Did I, desert those truly peaceful rock pigeons
For watching gulls, pretentious prairie doves!

16.08.2002

3

You take from this world nothing
But what you are
This you also take
To your eternity

19.09.2002

4

Let me be both
Gentle as breeze and hard as rock
With my daughter
Lest she ends up
As a slave of someone

19.09.2002

5

I saw my father in the mirror
Eyes gone deep inside
And face wrinkled

20.09.2002

6

I am glad God isn’t a mother
Running towards me
To lift me and feel me
Every time I’m hurt

23.09.2002

7

To crave for the Crucified Christ
Goes together with being
Critical of the Civilized Christianity

14.10.2002

8

Respect is the greatest gift
That I may give to
Or receive from someone

14.12.2002

9

My thoughts are the tools
That makes me a person
Or a scum of no worth

14.12.2002

10

Not by giving in
But by giving up
I grow

14.12.2002

11

I went not only to bury Evelyn’s frame
But also to prevent
Her personality being buried together

24.01.2003

12

Three that are most beautiful
And only three you take to eternity
Humility, simplicity, and beauty

25.01.2003

13

Like the little dragonfly let me move swiftly
Like her let me also sit on deep waters
Still and with inner serenity

30.01.2003

14

Your tongue in your flowers
And your speech in my thoughts
Is, your speaking to me
Help me listen

30.01.2003

15

Underneath my minute consciousness
I hear the rolling and roaring of your ocean
Keep me ever in this awareness

30.01.2003

16

Many are your miracles
That you bring into being
Create one more in my eye
That I may see the many

30.01.2003

17

As aura of aspen in autumn
Let my being always broaden
Goodness and peace

30.01.2003

18

When mind is trapped in dreams of littleness
The soul deep within invites
To glimpse the vastness within
To release self from self-imposed prison

30.01.2003

19

Only those who give love and unselfishness
Receive love and unselfishness
By giving you receive
But to receive you cannot give

30.01.2003

20

Exhibitionism in spirituality
Is, indeed, a contradiction
But not a living witness to faith

30.01.2003

21

I went on speaking
The politically incorrect language and idiom
In that the wise deciphered poetry
Calling me a poet and a prophet

07.02.2003

22

This expansive enormous creation
Its purpose I perceive not
Its mystery I shall solve not
Its owner I will encounter not
Its beauty I will sing with exultation
Its violence I protest with great vehemence

03.03.2003

23

Parading piety is for Pharisees
Not crucified their ego
Perching on, and preaching from every pulpit

03.03.2003

24

Power of powerlessness is not for Pharisees
Not crucified their ego
But practicing pomp and prominence

Henry Victor 03.03.2003

25

Let me never be inactive
But let my active activity
Be marked with my soul’s inactivity

03.03.2003

26

Shrimp waved antennae
Saying thumps up for swift shark
Unperturbed by praise

19.04.2003

27

Shrimp protested
Swift shark disturbing that calm
The big fish ignored

19.04.2003

28

Defeating is my natural inclination
Vehemently avoiding victory of being defeated

19.04.2003

29

Two that I desire most: One that I walk to my grave
Two, I make this stride without my self

17.05.2003

30

Accomplishment comes from
Taking that single most risk
Than waiting to grab that luck when crossing my path

17.05.2003

31

Time I have for that risky task
Wisdom I need to perform the work
Lest I see not friends at fireside

17.05.2003

32

I detect and discern
My authentic self in that my no self
Like that seed whose true being is its death

17.05.2003

33

I have learnt through some struggle
To find God’s stimulating presence
In the sure and certain divine absence

17.05.2003

34

Those that spend excess time at the beach
Rolling on sand and making sandcastles
Will never appreciate diving in deep sea

17.05.2003

35

When beetles defend themselves
It is terrorism
When elephants walk to defeat
It is battle for freedom!

21.06.2003

36

Affairs of the world deeply troubles me
So are my own

21.06.2003

37

I proposed to work an extra ten years
After my retirement
Only to be disposed ten years early

21.06.2003

38

Desire to dominate
Is not same as
Serving the Servant Lord

22.06.2003

39

Joke the joke! But not make life a joke
Lest the others choke your hour, day, and week
Until your years choke, and you die

19.07.2003

40

I’m listening to the chattering and chirping
Of sparrows whose genus I neither know
Nor my own intentions

22.07.2003

41

Three I received from my father
And three I pass on to my daughter:
With secrets practice restrain
In sweating curtail energy
And in posting never trust another

02.08.2003

42

Am I surprised that I’m scared of my own honesty
That brings more pain and suffering, and at last
To my own death on the cross, my own construction

02.08.2003

43

Events are designs that the unseen artist sketches
That I may ponder in my heart the secret intentions of the artist
But never am I permitted to publicly interpret
Or proclaim the meaning of artistic events

02.08.2003

44

It is indeed an unjust race
Even if the most just judge judges
If race is between an elephant and a tortoise

06.08.2003

45

In my neighborhood
The smaller ones on smaller bikes
Never catch up with bigger ones on bigger bikes

06.08.2003

46

My home is the university
I teach, research, and publish
With no book releases, promotions, or increments

16.08.2003

47

Greatest achievers are those who have learnt the art
Of discarding, omitting, ignoring, and leaving behind more
With much joy and no regrets

16.08.2003

48

Cougar trait I trail
Strong, resilient individual
That I want to be

19.08.2003

49

What has happened is the best
That can happen; better, therefore, to accept
Rather than rage in revolt

Henry Victor 06.09.2003

50

When the flower was not visible
It was not that it was not there
But the bud was hibernating

06.09.2003

51

Lord of the Worlds may delay but will never deny
You the blessing; for those who perceive
Delay is nothing but a blessing

06.09.2003

52

I waited not with patience
But faded not the supreme patience!

06.09.2003

53

Seed met with patience and the leaf evolved
Leaf exposed to patience and the flower arrived
Flower copulated with patience birthing a fruit
Fruit made life to prolong piping for patience

09.09.2003

54

Beauty that stimulates subterranean joy within my being
I sought it in women, and Satan, my lust, got released
Beauty that stimulates bliss deep within my soul
I sought it in shoe-flowers, and Song, my muse, was let loose

09.09.2003

55

A road that was not closed I cherished much
That I may reach home like mother bird to feed nestlings
But now a road that is never open is that I desire
That I may never leave home

09.09.2003

56

Put on the garment of patient placidness
And the coat of love that let goes
For your strong and swifter movement

20.09.2003

57

My neighbour’s poplar and poplar’s neighbour
Both teach a lesson I never let my heart learn:
‘To grow, I must let go’

17.10.2003

58

In middle of autumn the mountain ash
Has let go all her lush, much of her load
Only to shine with bright red light!

17.10.2003

59

Trash pits are gold mines I dig for wisdom
Gold that never corrodes nor thieves steal
Revealing self and core of my community

11.11.2003

60

Much printed materiel is re-cycled
Without being read in the first place

11.11.2003

61

Much of spoken word is heard
Not for its intrinsic worth
But for its entertainment value

11.11.2003

62

Bulls listen
Only to a bull with a bell
And I have seen this again and again!

11.11.2003

63

Turkey, chicken, cow, sheep, pig, and many
Dwell deep within my bosom
Determining values for my now and eternity

11.11.2003

64

I am much bigger than I see
And I am much smaller than I conceive

11.03.2004

65

As a priest, I realize
I need not know much theology
Nor learn too much liturgy
But, politics I must sing!

11.03.2004

66

What my father achieved in harder way
I like to achieve in the easier way!

11.03.2004

67

Spirituality, my Christian friend thinks, is:
Sharing the pain of a dead
Ignoring the pain of the living!

11.03.2004

68

Life is stronger than death
When death is embraced with open arms

16.03.2004

69

Those who embrace death
With open arms, never die

16.03.2004

70

As I embrace, with open arms
My daughter and wife
I embrace insecurity and death in life

19.03.2004

71

Mutter and mutter, and call it a sermon?
Nothing but a clutter of empty words
To litter the world of serene silence!

20.03.2004

72

I, for sure, saw your grace
And sat down to draw that face
But my lines, a flaw in your space!

29.03.2004

73

Laugh, and laugh louder
But let not that laugh create disorder
To the already chaotic order!

15.09.2004

74

Woe unto me if those around me feel
What they sense, say, and act must have my approval
Better that a millstone is tied around my neck
And I am dropped in waters oceanic!

04.12.2005

75

Doing what you can do
And doing with joy what you do
Leads to a life of sanity, that life eternal

27.03.2006

76

Serving, and serving with joy
Serving with a wanting to serve
Transforms my self from a slave to a Master!

28.03.2006

77

Faith is that venture to create a meaning
In an otherwise world of meaninglessness
In that creating I create also a Creator to anchor my faith!

28.03.2006

78

Hope rooted not in a lofty dream
But in well informed wakefulness
That blooms to become real

17.04.2007

79

Drunkenness, I have seen
Many times, walking into wilderness
In roads less traveled

06.05.2007

80

Human nature, I have seen in plenty
In the communities of Canadian geese, loud
With quarrels and battles for space

06.05.2007

81

Human potentials, I have seen in abundance
Among the flocks of Canadian geese in flight, unison in speed
As they battle the common threat of a cold winter

06.05.2007

82

Watched pot never boils!
But conscious breathing
Brings baskets full of blessings!

14.05.2007

83

Death is the destiny I see
For the mighty river rolling into the ocean
Repeating the deathless cycle

25.05.2007

84

To hit back the Siamese fighter
Aches with enormous ache
But is trapped in his destiny

25.05.2007

85

Early, at dawn, in my garden
Many colorful flowers bloomed
Only to be scorched by the noon sun

25.05.2007

86

Morning after morning, very early
Flowers in my garden embraced the dew
The night had offered them, but only to let go!

07.07.2007

87

Days have arrived when dentures smile
Knowing not this, smile not
To be transformed into a growling ass!

07.07.2007

88

Gusting wind outside
Bird sits on tips of branches
To risk I expose

21.04.2008

Henry Victor 14.08.2008

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Practicing the Presence!


I read the story of Isaac, Jacob and Joseph, a story of three generations put in a nutshell (Genesis 37). It is a story of perils and success of “migration” into a new land. The land of Canaan was not so friendly towards Isaac, Jacob’s father. And Jacob worked very hard to get the land to somewhat respond to his needs in a more welcoming way, while he sent his roots deep into the soil that he had taken as the land which the Lord has given for him and his descendants. But the third generation, Jacob’s children, have their conflicts, and pain. The reasons for those conflicts may be partly due to Jacob’s folly of favouritism and partly due to the envy of Joseph’s brothers.


One thing I learn from this story is that wherever humans are, the disagreements and conflicting purposes are bound to be there. They are very real. And I need not pretend as if they are not there and everything else is going very smoothly.

Then I go to another story; a story Matthew record poetically in his gospel (Matthew 14:22-33). Here I see more of other human characteristics. It is a unique story of “Jesus walking on the water”. Jesus was quite at ease in walking over the water, perhaps like a Pheasant tailed Jacana, a water bird, or as some of the water bugs walking very swiftly on water without getting wet by water, or drowning into the water. Probably it is that that prompted those who discovered that lizard which walks on the water to be named as Jesus lizard!

In that story when Jesus summoned Peter to walk on the water, he walked initially but began to drown when Peter got “lost in him-self”!

I very consciously use that phrase-“lost in him-self”! Rather he should have got “lost in the Master” who summoned him to walk. In fact in most mystical religious traditions the goal of human life is the “human soul” becoming part and parcel of that greater soul, God. I, instead of becoming part and parcel of me, must get merged into God like a raindrop becoming part of the ocean, or as a river that returns to the ocean, its own beginning!

Peter, in that mystical lesson, was not quite at ease like Jesus while walking on water. Peter started sinking when his vision was turned from the Master to the storm! I realize that I must note this subtle lesson of the sacred scriptures in fixing my focus on the Master something that Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph naturally practiced throughout their life of turbulence. Focusing my vision on God enhances my “ease” to walk in this world, which is not just “a bed of roses”, but also full of thorns!

I recognize that it will be possible for me to say boldly, like the psalmist, “even though I walk through the valley of death I fear no evil”, when I can also say: “for you are with me” (Psalm 23:4); God with me!

This, I realize, comes not merely from a cognitive or intellectual knowing but a stronger feeling of the presence of God that has to become part and parcel of my life in this increasing mechanized and consumer world. I should somehow recapture this “invisible aspect” in my life. It is this that kept Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph alive and bold in a hostile land in which they were immigrants!

I am, personally, also as a somewhat newer immigrant to Canada, this so-called “land of opportunity”, beginning to realize the value and truth of this. In fact, throughout the history of the Christendom “practicing the presence” of God was one of very fundamental spiritual exercises. It is very easy for me to slip into becoming part of a “religious community” that is not constantly conscious of this “presence of God”. And when this happens I, as a member of the religious community will loose the power and boldness that I see in the early Church of the Acts of the Apostles.

The psalmist’s injunction, “Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually” (Psalm 105:4), is then a reminder to me. I may have to continually keep reading that phrase: “seek God’s presence continually”. When I consciously and continuously practice the presence of God a moment would come when I will “feel and realize” that there is no escape from this presence. Elsewhere, the psalmist says: “You (referring to God) hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me” (Psalm 139:5). Or a little later in the same Psalm, “Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?” (Psalm 139:7).

However, I must remember that this “presence”, or feeling the “presence” is not to manipulate God, or to practice magic to enhance my ever-expanding “greedy needs”. Sacred Scriptures has no space for this. Instead Jesus, my Master, spoke of the cross! Presence for suffering, and suffering for others sake! In all this “the presence of God” takes me out of “my self”! “Unless the corn dies” is the metaphor popular with Jesus.

When Peter was sinking he called upon Jesus to save him, literally, prevent him from drowning. And Jesus gave his hand immediately and caught him! Paul, about whom I have mixed feelings, once said: “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved” (Romans 10:13). But just two verses above he wrote: “No one who believes in him will be put to shame” (Romans 10:11). I know that Paul was firmly grounded on this truth. He knew that “God” Jesus revealed, “God” who was in Christ Jesus, is “God” totally dependable. And in this “God” there is no distinction of “colour, class, or creed”; this, for me, is something that is not only relevant but also very, very urgent. So Paul that man from Tarsus wrote: “For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; the same Lord is Lord of all and is generous to all who call on him” (Romans 10:12).

I clearly note the phrase “no distinction” and the word “all” repeated several times in that verse. Someone once said: “God is colour blind”. To this I may add: “God is authentically ultra liberal”.

With this Paul also reminds me of my mission, the purpose of my life in this world. Paul actually raises a series of serious questions to those who call themselves Christians, including my self: “But how are they (now this “they” refers to the people in the world I live) to call on one in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in one whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone to proclaim him? …” (Romans 10”14).


The presence of God is not for me, alone, to take comfort for my self and enjoy. It is for me to share. It is for me to proclaim with my words and more with my deeds. But in that, for sure, there is no space for coaxing or proselytizing! It is then, and perhaps then only, the presence of God becomes really “alive” in this world, and becomes relevant to my thought and living. I believe that the spirit of God is also in me, persuading me to believe in the presence of God, calling me and inspiring me to perform heroic acts of compassion and transform this world with hatred, competitions, and conflicts into that heaven, the footstool of God.